Love as a kid

When I was 5 years old, I liked this boy. We’d play together every day at recess. He even visited my house on two occasions with his mom because our mothers were friends. I knew that I liked him. He was literally my best friend. At that age, I didn’t even know what love was. I knew that I liked being around him. Plus, we were even in the same class and even during summer school. It was great.

One time, I wrote his full name on my arm with a pen because I thought it was cool. Like, “Yay! I know how to write his full name! I’m so cool now!” I went to school and showed him and he came to school the next day with my name on his arm. We were best friends.

My siblings made fun of me and told him I liked him. Of course I did. But what I didn’t know was that they were talking about love. And when my parents caught wind that I liked him, they said that we couldn’t be together in the future. Want to know why? … Take a guess…

It’s because his parents are divorced. And that his dad left his mother for another woman. And that when he grows up, he’ll just be like dad. I’ve never heard of this before and was surprised.

I went to school the next day, all sad, and told my friend what happened. He looked at me and said that we’ll still be friends and that he still liked me. It made me really happy.

We’re not friends anymore. He moved away the following year and we never kept in contact. I saw him again in junior high when he moved back into town but we didn’t talk. It’s been years and I was afraid that he’d forgotten about me already. I didn’t have the courage to ask him or tell him anything. To this day, I still want to ask him but I think it’d be weird to just message him about it.

Regardless, I still remember the memories I shared with him. I remember when were were outside for recess and I took my jacket off because it was really warm out and we put them on the side of the school building. When recess was over, I went to put our toys away and when he came back, he had my jacket in his hand and told me, “I got your jacket for you.” Really?… Thinking back, he was the sweetest boy ever.

I heard a lot of things about him throughout high school and even though we weren’t friends, we were at one point. And I’d defend him no matter what others were saying; I’m proud of that.

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What is love?

No lie, I miss you
Whenever I start feeling lonely, I think of you
I miss how I felt when you were there
How comfortable I was and just feeling your presence
But it’s crazy you know…

I don’t miss how you mistreated me
The things you’d say to people
Things that were only for us to share and hear
How awful of a person I was to you
And how much you hated me

So I don’t know why I miss you
Was it because you were my best friend
And I feel like I’m missing out on something now that you’re gone?
Or what?

Maybe I miss how loving you were
Aside from the asshole you were, you were a romantic
So charismatic, so daring, so different

But I couldn’t love you
Because I just didn’t know how to love
And maybe I shouldn’t have loved
But I did
And you taught me love

I think that’s why our relationship was so meaningful