Temporary

I’m not dating you because it’s convient for me. I’m dating you because we clicked. Sure, we met a long time ago but talking to you personally for the first time was so easy going. I felt comfortable around you. But I don’t know… Maybe I was hyping myself up. That: oh hey, maybe I can get with this guy. Maybe he’ll help me get over my past relationships… Maybe you’re just a rebound.

We’ve been together for over 2 years. The honey moon phase has worn off… And it seems like it’s changed. You don’t put effort into our relationship. And we’re just codependent on each other. This relationship made me lose myself… Or maybe I chose to lose myself.

Before you, I was this girl who wanted to make new friends in a new town. I wanted to be different. I wanted to better myself. But after dating you, I closed myself off again from the world. I wasn’t seeing the new friends I made anymore and devoted all my time and effort into our relationship. I wanted this to work out so bad that I ignored myself.

You’re different now. We don’t have date nights anymore. You spend all your free time gaming. And although we spend the evening side by side in the apartment, it’s not the same–there’s no quality time spent together.

I feel like I put so much effort into keeping our relationship afloat–just to make you happy. Sometimes I wished you’d think of the little things.

And sure, I’d make a promise to get you something but then I changed my mind and you’d get upset at me for not buying it for you. You’d guilt trip me until I gave in. I cried a little inside because it seemed like you were only dating me because I provided for you. You’re like a little kid who’d cry when he gets his candy taken away.

You don’t care for the bigger moments in life. I’d want to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and other special days with you but you wouldn’t care. You do say something the day of but you never go above and beyond. I do my share to make these events special for you but you don’t do the same. Maybe I set my expectations too high. And eventually, I decided that if you weren’t going to put effort to make it special, I wouldn’t either. So I stopped.

I told you I am not a materialistic person but your actions speak louder than words. I don’t need extravagant gifts but if you just took the time out of your day to plan or do something for me, that’d make me happier than anything. But you don’t and it leaves me to think that you have nothing to offer me.

For these two years, I have done more than my share of supporting you and your goals and all I wanted was the same. You say you’ll support me in the future but what will you do for me now? You offer me a stable future, the most amazing wedding… But they’re just false hopes.

You told me that you’ll treat me like a queen, the woman I deserve to feel like but now it is anything but that.

And now my choices lead me to think that this isn’t the relationship I want. That maybe you just aren’t for me.

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