First crush?

Hey guys, do you still have feelings for a first crush? I was just thinking about my first crush (from Kindergarten) and I feel like I’m still crushing on him (even though I’m in a relationship). I’m 21 now FYI. Long story short, we were grade school friends but he moved away (we both liked each other — kinda like best friends) and we met again in junior high school. Although, we didn’t talk to each other, mainly because we didn’t have classes together and I didn’t think he remembered me. I still think he is attractive and can remember our childhood moments.

So friends, do you remember your first crush? Are you currently crushing on someone? Tell me your stories.

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Big Families

I came across a comment from one of my cousins. He stated,  “If you know that you can’t fully provide for yourself and your family then don’t have such a big family.”

Somehow, that comment really pissed me off. It makes sense but it really nags at me. Like, what’s wrong with having a big family? If raised right, we all love and support one another. I have a big family. I have 7 other siblings and parents. We don’t smoke or drink. We don’t party every fucking weekend. If anything, my family and I  do parties with my uncle’s side of the family. At least we’re good kids. My parents raised good kids. I’m glad they raised us well. And I get that not all big families get along, but mine does. We’re close to one another and actually talk to each other. We’re happy.

Sigh. Anyways, just wanted to get my two-cents down.

Saturday Night

It’s 10:30 PM here right now. I’m starting to feel tired. Didn’t do as much as I had hoped today. But was back home for a visit and helped my parents with cleaning pig intestines. Yup, you heard me. This is what we do in an Asian household. They went to kill pigs today so there’s meat to eat. Besides eating good meals today, I went to the park with my siblings, niece, and sister-in-law. The weather was so nice today, I kid you not. 40-50 degree weather is so rare in this winter weather. Last Saturday was actually really warm too but I was stuck inside doing homework. At least I went out for some sun; I’m happy. Welp, talked about food and now I’m hungry. But it’s night now and I just brushed my teeth an hour ago and don’t want to do it again…

Another interesting thing I did today was redeem my free $5 Amazon gift card from Bing. Have you heard of Bing rewards? Well, go do them! It only takes a little bit of your time each day. I’ve gotten a total of $20 from it and bought some stuff for myself. Quite nice to be honest. Anyways, if you do it everyday, you’ll be able to get the Amazon gift card every month. It’ll be slow at first but once you’re at Level 2 for your Bing rewards, you’ll be racking those points up in no time! Great side money in my opinion and I highly recommend it if you’d like the extra cash. There’s also other things you can redeem as well if Amazon isn’t your thing.

Anyways, here is my submission for the day. Thanks for reading!

Valentine’s Day

​Woke up at 5:30 AM today for work. It went okay. Parents brought in candies for the teachers and I gave a little box of chocolates to my teacher. Got off at 1 PM, walked home, and laid in my bed until 4 PM. I know; what did I do with my time? I could’ve been productive and tackled my homework, but instead, I was on my phone the whole time. This is how I spent most of my days in the past. After that though, I was productive and did my discussion posts for my classes and attended a live classroom with my new teacher. Finally done with it all at 9:30 PM. Now I’m just laying in bed. I should be sleeping but thought I should be recording my days… just something to look back on.

Even though it’s Valentine’s Day, I didn’t do anything with my boyfriend. We didn’t even say Happy Valentine’s Day or anything. I had wanted to get him some things but after thinking about how he wouldn’t do anything in return, I decided to not care. He mentioned long ago that he didn’t care for holidays so I feel I should treat it as such. I personally enjoy holidays so this was quite a letdown. No matter how much effort I put into preparing gifts, he doesn’t do the same. This goes for special events as well like birthdays.

I was also upset about something he told me this past weekend. Note: He currently lives with me (for free). He told his mom that he wants to get an apartment when he gets a stable job but she told him that I can’t live with him, even though he has lived with me. I was hurt by this and texted my older sister about it. She told me that he should stand up for himself and me and tell his mom that we are going to live together no matter what, but if he sides with his parents, then that’s that. I asked him today if he wanted to get an apartment regardless of what his mom said but he replied with “not sure.” All of this has made me feel insecure about our relationship. It’s as if he doesn’t care for my needs anymore and is just being selfish and taking advantage of me. It’s really upsetting for me.

Plus, I get why his mom said we shouldn’t live together but maybe she just doesn’t like me. It really hurts my feelings that he isn’t concentrating on us and our future together. Does he even see a future for us anymore?